Let’s face it: “Let’s read about sex, bay-bee!” is unlikely to become a song lyric that you can’t get out of your head. However, there is a lot to be said for hitting the books when it comes to getting to know your body, your partner, and what turns you on. Sex-positive books, which are part how-to manual and part orgasm guide, aim to help you figure out what makes you feel good — with or without another person’s body in the mix.
You can read these by yourself, with your partner, with your book club, or even with your mother. The more you read about sex, the more you will feel comfortable talking about sex. Because sex is a form of communication in and of itself, using books to bridge a communication gap can be extremely beneficial if you’re in a relationship. They can, however, be just as useful if you’re single, assisting you in navigating your body and what you want out of a relationship. Here, sex experts share their top sex-positive books.
Use these as recommendations, but remember that, just like choosing a sexual partner, the best sex-positive book for you is the one that you respond to. “Look for a book for what you want to learn,” says Marla Renee Stewart, MA, a sexual wellness expert for Lovers. “Get recommendations from sex educators and friends, read the book previews, and read the reviews to see if they have anything in them that you think you would enjoy.” Examine the author’s reputation as well to see if they have a following that believes what they say in the book. Remember, being sex-positive is all about having a say!”
Come As You Are, by Emily Nagoski, Ph.D.
This book is frequently included on lists of “best sex-positive books” for a reason: It’s intelligent, well-researched, and focuses on the science of arousal and desire, which — spoiler alert — begins outside of the bedroom. “It really demonstrates how we show up for sex or don’t show up for sex and what that means for us as individuals in our sexual lives.” “Learn how to easily navigate your own sexuality and dispel myths that aren’t serving you in your sexual life,” says Stewart.
‘The Whole Lesbian Sex Book: A Passionate Guide For All Of Us’ by Felice Newman
Even though it’s nearly 20 years old and contains some dated elements (it was published before Tinder), this anecdotal book can provide you with useful and innovative ideas for having sex outside of the heterosexual stereotype. Even if you don’t consider yourself a lesbian, reading outside the heteronormativity box can be beneficial in broadening your sexual practice and exposing yourself to possibilities you may not have considered.
‘The Astrology of Love and Sex: A Modern Compatibility Guide’ by Annabel Gat
If you’re into astrology, why not use it to explore your sexuality? While everyone’s sexuality is different, learning what Aries are into and what Libras may never have considered can be a fun way to try something new and get a sense of what you like. “In this book, you’ll find basic matches based on the sun sign and see if your sign has a base of compatibility with other signs,” Stewart explains. “This helps to enlighten you about past relationships while also making you consider your current or future relationships and how you need to navigate them further.” The quiz determines which sign is best for you based on their characteristics, and reading about signs is always entertaining.”
‘She-Ology: The Definitive Guide to Women’s Intimate Health’ by Sherry A. Ross, M.D.
‘The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love,’ by Janet W. Hardy & Dottie Easton
Who said that one plus one equals two? The Ethical Slut, widely regarded as the definitive guide to polyamory, discusses some of the issues that may arise if you decide to start a relationship or pursue multiple partners. Even if you consider yourself to be generally monogamous, this book can open your eyes to some jealousy issues that arise in relationships, as well as assist you in redefining what a relationship and commitment mean to you.
‘Queer Sex: A Trans and Non-Binary Guide to Intimacy, Pleasure, and Relationships’ by Juno Roche
This book is a helpful reframing of sex, sexuality, and pleasure, regardless of how you and your partner(s) label yourselves. This book, written by transgender activist Juno Roche with input from other queer and trans activists and educators, explores how to break binary rules and expectations.
